This Australian Guy Just Loves Having Spiders Bite His Dick
Sep30

This Australian Guy Just Loves Having Spiders Bite His Dick

We all have our fetishes and fantasies, so who am I to judge a guy who gets off on venomous spiders biting his dong? In Australia, a tradesmen named Jordan was recently bitten on the penis by a redback spider while using a portable toilet – again. The first incident happened about five months ago and, apparently aroused by the incident to the point of obsession, made sure it happened again this week. If you’re wondering...

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12 Uses for Your Expensive Headphones Once You Get an iPhone 7
Sep29

12 Uses for Your Expensive Headphones Once You Get an iPhone 7

The new iPhone 7 doesn’t have a traditional headphone jack, so what in the world are you supposed to do with those incredibly expensive headphones you just bought but can’t return because you threw out the receipt and couldn’t find it after digging around in the dumpster for hours? Lucky for you, those headphones still have plenty of uses: Bulky cable tie for your other wired headphones New-age wishbone for deciding...

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100 Words or Less: On Donald Trump
Sep29

100 Words or Less: On Donald Trump

Donald Trump is a meme from your uncle’s computer come to life, an oversized sack of medical waste someone put a tie on, Freddy Krueger’s drinking buddy in the Dream World, a particularly stout scarecrow covered in Naugahyde, a grown man experiencing the “terrible twos,” the creation of God’s fuck-up of a brother Todd, a homunculus made from old pumpkin innards, the creature in all of Woody Guthrie’s nightmares, Dr. Moreau’s third try...

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6 Types of Information You Can Reveal With a Cake
Sep28

6 Types of Information You Can Reveal With a Cake

In recent years, gender reveal cakes have grown in popularity as a fun and exciting way to discover the type of genitalia a baby will be born with. Bakers are usually slipped a piece of paper with the sex of the baby on it and from there they’ll add blue dye to the cake if it’s a boy, or pink dye if it’s a girl. It’s such an exhilarating way to get information delivered to you that we thought of other ways this method should be...

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Woman Experiences Uncomfortable Silence in Her Head
Sep27

Woman Experiences Uncomfortable Silence in Her Head

EVANSTON, Ill. – Earlier today, local 24-year-old Lisa Paretti suffered through the ordeal of being left alone with her conscience when the chatter of her girlfriends died down for a few seconds, leading her to experience a moment of uncomfortable silence in her head. “Last time I found myself alone with myself, it got pretty awkward. To ease things over I took myself out to get a drink and the sweet thoughtless bliss that...

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