17 Burning Questions I Had After Seeing ‘Suicide Squad’

Suicide Squad

1) Where the hell is my wallet?

2) It fell between the seat during the movie I think but why isn’t it fucking there now?

3) What did I touch that was so moist below the seat?

4) Where is my fucking wallet?!

5) What is the name of this usher telling me I have to leave the theater?

6) Why won’t he help me find my wallet?

7) What was with that alligator man?

8) Son of a bitch, do I just leave the wallet now?

9) Wait, was my Subway card in it?

10) Was it the Subway card that was one hole punch away from a free sub or the brand-new one I got when I forgot the other one last week?

11) Why didn’t anyone in the movie care that he was like a full-on alligator person?

12) Wait a second – are my keys gone too?

13) How am I going to get home?

14) Do I just start a new life here in this theater?

15) Isn’t it so surreal to know you’ll never see your family again?

16) Oh, duh, how about I call someone to come pick me up?

17) Oh goddammit, where is my phone?!



Steve DiMatteo

Author: Steve DiMatteo

Steve is an editor for Robot Butt. You can follow him on Twitter @steve_dimatteo.

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