Football Analysts Racing to Claim Unused Takes on Colin Kaepernick
Aug31

Football Analysts Racing to Claim Unused Takes on Colin Kaepernick

LOS ANGELES – As the entire sports world chimes in on San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick’s decision to not stand during the national anthem as a form of protest, football analysts everywhere are desperate to find an unused controversial take that will get coverage. “I saw that Rodney Harrison said Kaepernick isn’t black,” said ESPN NFL analyst Trent Dilfer. “But I’m going to take...

Read More
Man Narrowly Avoids Social Confrontation By Pretending to Text
Aug30

Man Narrowly Avoids Social Confrontation By Pretending to Text

KANSAS CITY – In a near catastrophic incident, local man Jim Brewer, 22, narrowly avoided social contact with an individual approaching on the sidewalk by pretending to be texting on his cellular device. “I was walking home from class and this old man was walking in my direction,” says the battle-scarred Brewer. “I was flipping through music at the time so I just pretended to be really engaged in a text message. Have you heard...

Read More
Forget the McChicken. What Are Truly the Most Fuckable Foods?
Aug29

Forget the McChicken. What Are Truly the Most Fuckable Foods?

The internet was set ablaze Monday with a viral video of a man having sexual intercourse with his McDonald’s McChicken sandwich. People were horrified at the sight of the man banging the McChicken, likely as a diversionary tactic to mask their own carnal desire to fuck their favorite food. Here at Robot Butt, we weren’t horrified by what we saw. No, we absolutely want to celebrate a man’s ability to openly share how...

Read More
Donald Trump Pins Weiner on Hillary Clinton
Aug29

Donald Trump Pins Weiner on Hillary Clinton

In the year of our Lord, 2016, the world has become a grotesque, real-life Mad Libs entry, evidenced most recently by yet another Anthony Weiner sexting scandal. Hillary Clinton’s campaign vice chairwoman, Huma Abedin, who is Weiner’s wife, announced she would be divorcing the disgraced former congressman after he finally completed sending pictures of his penis to every single woman in the country. Naturally, Donald Trump,...

Read More
Mosquitoes Working on Ruthless New Disease for 2020 Tokyo Olympic Games
Aug27

Mosquitoes Working on Ruthless New Disease for 2020 Tokyo Olympic Games

TOKYO – Despite the Rio Olympic Games having only recently come to a close, Tokyo mosquitoes are already putting plans in motion to develop an unstoppable new disease for 2020. “We’ve been really floored by the success that Zika was met with in Rio,” said International Mosquito Committee CEO Henry Skeeter. “Zika got more media coverage before the Games than the athletes. We really want to build off that success and strive to...

Read More
Page 1 of 712345...Last »