Merrick Garland Sitting Alone in Dimly Lit Capitol Waiting Room for 101st Straight Day

Merrick Garland Waiting Room

WASHINGTON – As his Supreme Court nomination continues to be used as a weapon of political warfare, Merrick Garland spent his 101st straight day in a dark, underground Capitol Building waiting room Thursday, the only light emanating from a dusty window far above the U.S Appeals Court judge’s reach.

“I know this is a major decision, so I don’t mind waiting,” Garland said, his now-gaunt frame barely holding itself up. “I occupy a lot of my time humming my favorite tunes and counting the fingernail scratches all over the walls.”

President Barack Obama nominated Garland in March, and since then, the Republican-controlled Senate has offered no indication of even hearing the accomplished judge’s case for a seat on the Supreme Court bench.

“The doors in here are heavily padlocked, no doubt to keep the press away,” Garland said, sidestepping a spilled bucket of feces. “But Ruth Bader Ginsburg brings me a mayonnaise sandwich sometimes. That’s nice.”

Despite little to no hope for a Supreme Court nomination in 2016, if ever, Garland remains optimistic and a staunch supporter of his country’s judicial process.

“And at this point, my car has no doubt been towed,” Garland said. “I might as well wait it out.”

 

 




Robot Butt News Corp.

Author: Robot Butt News Corp.

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