INDIANAPOLIS – According to an exhaustive on-site study that took course over the span of 15 years, enough conclusive evidence was finally gathered at Indianapolis Motor Speedway during the Indianapolis 500 last weekend to suggest that racing fans also enjoy alcoholic beverages.
Kent Stark, a physiology professor from Indiana University, was the man behind the exhaustive $24 million study. “We wanted to know if this was a stereotype or if there was some way to determine the motivation of the sunburned partiers in the infield of the race,” he said. “They seemed to be drinking beer, but we weren’t sure if that was just a coincidence.”
The study took a closer look at the 350,000 fans who attended this year’s event and sought to find out if they were smiling because they were having fun or if the nerves in their face were acting up due to lights-out drunkenness.
One of the participants in the study, Garret Newman, stated his case: “It’s the flggin 500, man. Ish just like…nneewwwwwmm! You know? Izz wild n [unintelligible] fireworks!”