The Barometric Pressure Just Dropped So I’m Going to Need the Rest of the Day Off

barometric pressure headache

Heyyy. Do you have a second?

Look, I was just sitting at my desk, trying to concentrate on those files you emailed me and realized that I like, totally can’t even think straight right now. I mean, blah! So, I went ahead a looked at the nautical app on my phone and it turns out that the barometric pressure just plummeted in our region.

I know it’s not a highly recognized thing, but I’m like, completely useless when there’s a dip in barometric pressure. Yeah. I could try to fight it with coffee, but the thing is, I’m not going to be anywhere near functioning capacity again until the atmosphere becomes more pressurized. It’s basically pointless for me to even be here right now.

I tried to wake myself up by having three espressos, which is why I’ve been in the bathroom for the past forty-five minutes. Yeah, you’re not going to want to go in there for at least a half hour. I hung an Out of Order sign on the door.

I was hoping to stick around and wait this low-pressure thing out. I started some Words With Friends games and did a few yoga poses, but, yeah. I really think I just need to be home with my cats right now, you know? I mean, sometimes you just need to lay on your couch, right?

So…we could just call it a personal day, or, a sick day, whatevs. Or you can dock me. But seeing as how this is like, a recognized thing that people actually have, I mean…I did already update my Facebook profile to say that I’m having a low-pressure attack today. It wouldn’t look great for the company if I were to reply to my own status and say I was docked pay for taking the day off, you know?

There’s a whole movement now for people with BPSS. What? Oh, Barometric Pressure Severity Syndrome. Yeah, you’ve probably seen our hashtag, #UnderPressure. No? Oh, you must not spend much time online, huh? Yeah, we have our own awareness day and everything on October 15th. It’s the birthday of the well-known barometer inventor, Evangelista Torricelli, or as most BPSS sufferers call him, Il Padre. I see your confusion, and yes, October 15th is also Global Handwashing Day and Brazilian Teachers’ Day, but what can you do?

I have some Barometric Pressure Severity Syndrome ribbons in my desk, if you want to wear one. They’re transparent, to remind us that although air is invisible, it can be crippling for some. There’s a sticker too, which is also transparent. The sticker is far less popular, unfortunately, since it’s just a see-through sticker with no print or image on it. Literally a clear square that is invisible once applied. Yeah, they got a new marketing director after that.

ANYWHO, these low-pressure fronts usually only last a few days, so feel free to email me if you need anything. I’ll have my laptop and as soon as I sense an increase in air pressure, I’ll go ahead and tackle those files.

 

 




Sarah Hutto

Author: Sarah Hutto

A comedy writer whose work has appeared on McSweeney’s and Reductress. Follow her journey on Twitter as she moves ever closer to achieving her life's dream of one day owning her own bidet.

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