WASHINGTON – Amid allegations that Donald Trump’s presidential campaign continues to promote violence, sources are reporting that it’s certainly not inconceivable that a top Trump campaign aide has murdered at least one person by now, possibly during a bar brawl that spilled into a darkened alley.
According to Jeff Nagle, who reads the newspaper regularly, “I bet the aide just went to some random bar, someone bad-mouthed Trump, and he shot the guy right there in front of everyone.”
Others aren’t so sure. “I doubt his aides have killed anyone. I hope they haven’t. We would know, right?” asked Allison Maynard of Alexandria. “Actually…would we know?”
Police reports somewhere can probably confirm that a Trump aide was present when whatever the incident was may have occurred. In such an instance, concerns for his own safety, buoyed by a deep hatred of people that disagree with him, would likely give the unknown murderous aide more impulsive reflexes. Trump supporters may have also lavished the aide with guns, brass knuckles, or a broken and sharpened pool cue.
“Look, it’s something that we’ll have to talk about,” Trump said when asked if any of his aides had committed murder. “You know it, I know it. It’s a thing that’s out there. People are going to say things. We just have to carry on, you know? I know it. It’s good. Everything is going and we are one of those things.”