TED Talk Inspires Nation to Stop Masturbating in Gas Station Bathrooms
Apr30
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Ted Cruz’s Skin Suit Beginning to Tear at Seams
Apr29

Ted Cruz’s Skin Suit Beginning to Tear at Seams

SAN FRANCISCO – Talk about a political gaffe. Ted Cruz suffered a humiliating wardrobe malfunction while campaigning in California this week when his suit of human skin began to tear at the seams during the candidate’s stump speech. “I promise, I will be the only candidate to stand up to the Washington Cartel and BRRRRZZZZGGGLEEEE EGOOOORKK,” Cruz said, as the human speech translator dislodged from his throat...

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The Official 2016 NFL Mock Draft Mock Draft
Apr28

The Official 2016 NFL Mock Draft Mock Draft

We at Robot Butt love the NFL draft, but you know what we love even more than the draft itself? Mock drafts, baby! That’s why we put together our ultimate fantasy mock draft mock draft to make some much-needed sense of this year’s crop of talent. 1. Los Angeles Rams Mel Kiper’s 2005 Mock Draft #3: Los Angeles traded up for a reason. They have so many holes to fill and season ticket holders to gain with the move. They...

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New City Pulse Headphones Promise to Muffle Cries of Homeless
Apr27

New City Pulse Headphones Promise to Muffle Cries of Homeless

Just imagine: You’re out in the park for a run. It’s a beautiful sunny day, a bird flies by, you’re finally hitting your stride…when suddenly you hear it: the fingernails-on-a-chalkboard sound of some gross homeless guy begging for your help. With the new City Pulse line of headphones by Sonicast, you’ll never need to worry about the distracting sounds of the urban destitute bothering you again. This latest offering from...

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Japanese Ministry of Culture Announces Bizarre Sexual Fetish Reserve Running Low
Apr26

Japanese Ministry of Culture Announces Bizarre Sexual Fetish Reserve Running Low

TOKYO – Responding to a sudden increase in global demand, Japanese Minister of Culture Hiroshi Hase announced at a press conference Tuesday that bizarre sexual fetishes, the country’s largest natural resource, are finally running low. The announcement comes just weeks after Google began providing free internet to developing nations in an effort to increase public education. Unfortunately, this project, originally designed...

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