BERLIN – Supremely offended by a future politician piggybacking off his ideas, fascist dictator Adolf Hitler is considering time travel from 1940s Nazi Germany to halt the presidential candidacy of Donald Trump.
“At first, I thought his campaign was amusing,” the German leader told sources. “But now I’m genuinely starting to get scared.”
As one of history’s most notorious villains, Hitler has mostly avoided commenting on the current state of American politics. But after Republican frontrunner Trump suggested that Americans target and kill the families of the nation’s enemies, Hitler was quoted as saying, “It seems more like a policy from the 20th century, and will probably make the world a very dangerous place.”
“I guess I just assumed the American people were going to vote him down eventually,” the authoritarian leader of mid-century Europe’s most oppressive regime continued. “But the closer we get to election day, the more I get this sinking feeling in my stomach.”
As Adolf Hitler prepared his time transportation vehicle, he added with a shake of his head, “This last week, Trump had a crowd raise their right arms and pledge their support for him. Did anyone else catch that shit?”
Referencing Trump’s controversial statements about banning Muslims traveling into the US, finding and deporting 11 million people, as well as offensive remarks about prisoners of war, people with disabilities, and others, Hitler added, “You would think that such sharp, dividing rhetoric would have turned public opinion. Yet it only seems to enhance his celebrity.”
“I know someone is going to blame me for using Godwin’s Law, but I think this guy might literally be me.”