It’s Leap Day! Finally, Some Extra Time to Take Control of Your Life

Celebrating Leap Day

Honestly, there’s never enough time in the day. It’s impossible to keep up with all of the little things that make your life complete. With that in mind, THANK GOD it’s Leap Day. All of the things you’ve been holding off can ultimately be accomplished today.

It’s time to get back on top of this crazy thing we call life.

Cleaning Out Your Inbox

Goodbye, 12,037 unread emails! Because of you, I’ve missed out on Groupon deals I surely would have cashed in on. Today, after expelling this cacophony of words, you’ll see and buy that cheaper-than-normal helicopter tour of the city that you may just get around to finding the time to do. Wow!

Doing Your Laundry

Going commando is cool in college, but now you’re in your 30’s, and it’s borderline pervy. It’s been some time since your sensitive parts haven’t been irritated due to rubbing and chafing, so guess what? This is the year you finally start wearing underwear again. Go ahead and do your laundry and say hello to added comfort and a rash-less ass by the end of the day.

Binge-watching Netflix

When was the last time you got to watch a Seinfeld episode for the 50th time? Sure, overhearing your coworkers endlessly talk about “The Deal” episode gets you through the day, but you need some real face-to-face time with that quartet. THIS IS FOR YOUR SANITY!

Buying Fruit

When was the last time you had fruit?  When it came in a jar labeled “Gerber”? Boy oh boy is your body falling apart from a vitamin deficiency, but on February 29th that stops! Scream “GOODBYE SCURVEY!!!” all the way to the fruit stand.

Quality Time With Your Significant Other

The two of you have been running around like crazy since February 29th, 2012. Do you even know each other anymore? Do they still like soccer? Did they ever like soccer or was it you who liked soccer? Take this time to re-meet the person you’ve been sleeping with for the past four years.

Thinking About the Future

Christ. You’ve been blindly wandering through life just trying to make it to the next day. Running to work just to run away from it at the end of the day AND YOU DON’T EVEN OWN RUNNING SHOES. You never had time to buy any. THAT’S WHY YOU NEED LEAP DAY. Where do you even get running shoes? What makes a shoe “runnable?” Are the shoes you have running shoes? THEY BETTER BE BECAUSE YOU’LL BE RUNNING FOREVER. You’ll have time to look up all of this on Leap Day.

See? Leap Day will solve EVERYTHING.

 

 




Chris Chromak

Author: Chris Chromak

Chris Chromak is a comedian living in New York City. He has studied improv since 2012 at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre and the Annoyance Theatre. He is the co-host of Next Stop: ASSSSTORIA 3000, a monthly show at Q.E.D. in Astoria, Queens and a co-creator of Your Future, a completely improvised fortune-telling ritual. He also has a dope Twitter account.

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