AUSTIN – Someone call Teddy Roosevelt, because his bear is back in a big, grizzly way.
Local substitute teacher Jackson Sommers is confident he set a new gold standard for Valentine’s Day gifts this year, having purchased for his girlfriend Cassandra an actual living and breathing bear.
“I had already gotten her flowers, chocolates and teddy bears over the years,” Sommers remarked. “So this seemed like the next logical step. I can’t wait to see her face when she gets Bigsby.”
Sommers thought long and hard before landing on the 600 lb. killing machine and alpha of the animal kingdom, but it was not an easy decision. Sommers initially planned to encase Cassandra’s pet corgi in chocolate to “combine two of her favorite things.” The plan ultimately fell through when he was unable to keep the dog still long enough for the chocolate to solidify.
While wildlife experts do not condone giving real bears as presents, Sommers believes the gift proves his devotion to Cassandra and their four-year relationship much better than the stuffed variety would.
“Plus,” he said. “Adrenaline is a really great aphrodisiac.”