PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. – Amid North Korea’s nuclear posturing, Iran’s unpredictability and ongoing U.S.-Russian tensions, Punxsutawney Phil – the world’s most lovable forecasting groundhog – foresaw this morning a nuclear winter that shall last until long after most of humanity has ceased to exist.
The news brings plenty of disappointment to once-hopeful Americans, as Punxsutawney Phil is known for his expert accuracy, having also forecasted the Red Summer race riots of 1919 and the bloody Arab Spring in 2011.