BARCELONA, Spain – Dozens of travelers enjoying a Mediterranean cruise this week were seen speculating on the nationality of two of the cruise’s obese guests.
“I don’t know what to make of them. They seem so out of place,” a French woman was heard saying as the MSC liner approached the Balearic Islands. “I think I can hear them breathing.”
While cruises are commonly known for being a week of unbridled decadence, the vibe is slightly different on the Mediterranean, where the focus is much more on relaxation. At one point, the couple in question was seen visibly distraught by the main dining area’s doors being closed, and eyewitnesses claim that the two were seen pulling on the handles numerous times as if the door would magically unlock.
“They must be [American],” one Dutch traveler said. “The man is…what is the word in English? Disheveled? Sloppy? Yes, one of these words.”
“Roll tide…why do those words go together?” the Dutch traveler continued. “The brutish man has said this phrase multiple times.”
At press time, it was confirmed aboard the luxury liner that the couple was, in fact, American, when the man stepped out to the pool area wearing an American flag swimsuit that was stretched to its absolute limits.