WASHINGTON – Citing the relatively late purchase of his ticket as the reason for being relegated to a middle seat on the airplane, James Cordin’s plot to hijack a Boeing 747 as it crossed the United States to bring attention to the issue of global hunger was thwarted today by two unknowing heroes.
“I would have taken over the plane, but I had already gotten up once to use the bathroom early in the flight,” Cordin said. “I didn’t want to be rude to the guy next to me on the aisle. We’ve all been there.”
Stuck in the middle seat, practically vacuum-sealed into his position, Cordin was unable to carry out his plot to take over the plane and divert it to a different destination. According to Cordin, he was not able to acquire enough “wiggle room” to reach under the seat in front of him and obtain the small plastic knife we was hoping to use as a weapon.
“At one point, I thought I saw my chance when the guy in the window seat asked us to get up so he could check on his wife a few rows up, but then two babies in front of me started crying and the eight-year-old little shit behind me started kicking my chair. I just couldn’t focus on what I was supposed to do once I forced my way into the cockpit.”
The unwitting hero occupying the seat on the aisle, who asked for his name not to be printed, was unaware that his actions may have saved lives. “That guy needed to get up? He should have said something! You gotta hate that middle seat. I would have tried to hijack the plane too if I’d been stuck in there like that. Better luck next time, I guess.”
When asked if he would be trying his plot again, Cordin said: “I will, and you can bet that I’ll be paying extra for the upgrade to the exit row. Who knew hijacking a plane required so much leg room?”