Obese Couple on Cruise Presumed American
Jan29

Obese Couple on Cruise Presumed American

BARCELONA, Spain – Dozens of travelers enjoying a Mediterranean cruise this week were seen speculating on the nationality of two of the cruise’s obese guests. “I don’t know what to make of them. They seem so out of place,” a French woman was heard saying as the MSC liner approached the Balearic Islands. “I think I can hear them breathing.” While cruises are commonly known for being a week of...

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Things You Should Know About: Clarence Carter’s “Strokin'”
Jan28

Things You Should Know About: Clarence Carter’s “Strokin'”

Here’s the deal: Once in a great while, a song comes along that becomes part of our shared cultural heritage – “White Christmas,” “Yesterday” and probably some others. Sometimes, though, certifiable classics slip through the cracks, being songs of such magnitude and artistic foresight that the society they are presented to simply cannot handle them. Clarence Carter unleashed such a monstrous masterpiece in 1986, earning his...

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Appearance of Black Patron Prompts Frantic Googling by Barber
Jan28

Appearance of Black Patron Prompts Frantic Googling by Barber

    More jokes, at no extra...

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New Hair-loss Shampoo Penetrates Even Deeper Into Roots of Male Insecurity
Jan27

New Hair-loss Shampoo Penetrates Even Deeper Into Roots of Male Insecurity

FT LAUDERDALE, Fla. – Claiming it to be their most advanced product on the market, Rogaine has released a new shampoo formulated to penetrate even deeper into the roots of male insecurity. The shampoo effectively prevents further loss of manhood, and in many cases may grow some back. “After three years of feeling depressed about my low social status and waning masculinity, I finally decided to do something,” said Mark Hanson, 32, who...

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Doomsday Clock Scientists Wearing Hazmat Suits for Some Reason
Jan26

Doomsday Clock Scientists Wearing Hazmat Suits for Some Reason

CLASSIFIED LOCATION – With all of the world’s diplomats and most important scientists, writers, artists and athletes in attendance in an underground bunker at an undisclosed location, the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists announced Tuesday that “it’s all good” as the Doomsday Clock stayed at three minutes to midnight. “We’ll all be quite safe for years – decades to come,” said Lynn...

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