Martin O’Malley Has the Saddest Presidential Campaign of All Time

Martin O Malley Talking

“What about you? Can I count on you?”

Martin O’Malley, who is trailing Democratic frontrunners Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders by four hundred and sixty-five jillion percentage points, was in Iowa on Monday during a huge storm that forced other campaigns to cancel their events.

Not O’Malley’s, though!

The “presidential candidate” persevered through the elements and held his meet-and-greet anyway. And since it was nearly the apocalypse outside, literally only one person showed up. Of course, it’s unclear whether or not more people would have come to a Martin O’Malley campaign event had it been a bright, sunny day and O’Malley himself was offering to wash everyone’s cars in the parking lot. It’s also unclear if this one person, named Kenneth, accidentally stumbled into the campaign event to get out of the storm.

But anyway, O’Malley had Kenneth cornered with nowhere to go. This was the candidate’s best chance to start a groundswell of support in Iowa. After all, movements start one person at a time, right?

So O’Malley worked Kenneth over and talked to him for quite a while (because what else could they do in the middle of a snowstorm?), making his case for the candidacy. And after it was all said and done, O’Malley stared Kenneth right in the face and asked him point-blank if he could count on Kenneth for his vote.

And Kenneth looked O’Malley square in the eye, took a deep breath and said, “Ehhhh, maybe.”

Being a candidate like O’Malley really has to be tough. There are a bunch like him during every presidential election; this year alone there have been at least four hundred useless Republican candidates who are finally beginning to throw in the towel. But to know right off the bat that you have absolutely no chance must be a pretty weird endeavor. Even though he might be angling for an eventual vice presidential bid, O’Malley’s run might just represent an all-time low for fringe candidates. Here is absolute proof that a candidate can’t even secure the vote of one single person.

But hey, at least the guy didn’t outright say no! There’s still a chance for O’Malley – that is, until they find Kenneth’s fingernail marks on the doors of the building and learn he was desperate to take his chance back out in the storm.



Steve DiMatteo

Author: Steve DiMatteo

Steve is an editor for Robot Butt. You can follow him on Twitter @steve_dimatteo.

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