CLINTON, Iowa – Scoffing again at the foliage-themed Evite.com invitation, Nick Reineck found himself in the spirit of the season as he gave thanks for having the wisdom to not attend Alison Brendt’s annual Friendsgiving party.
Rolling his eyes as he pictured the artisanal cranberry sauce and lovingly prepared tofurky, Reineck shoveled another handful of dry Froot Loops into his mouth.
“I can picture those chumps now,” chuckled Reineck. “Trapped at the table listening to Julie rant on about how much she loves her friends.”
“And I can practically hear Chad making some stupid Tindr joke. ‘I’d swipe right at this dinner!’ I bet he’s saying.”
Reineck then proceeded to flop back onto his laundry-covered couch and flip through #AlisonsFriendsgiving Instagram posts for 30 minutes. Finally reassured in his comfortable lack of plans, Reineck dozed off to a Thanksgiving episode of Cheers.
“I’m not sure why Nick didn’t come,” Friendsgiving attendant Chad Lyall said when reached later for comment. “I mean, it’s not like any of us really look forward to these things, but it’s a lot better than the alternative.”