GOSHEN, Ind. – Speculation is swirling over what a local baby could be so sad about. Crying loudly for over 40 minutes straight, sources report that the baby could be depressed over almost anything, with guesses ranging wildly from a bad review at work to a recent viewing of The Notebook.
One source close to the baby guessed it may have just been a while since the baby went ahead and had a good cry. “I know if I go too long without letting a few tears drop, I become pretty emotional myself,” the source added.
“Could be that the baby was recently cutting some onions,” suggested a nearby neighbor. However, a thorough investigation uncovered no onions.
“All the baby’s sports teams won last night, so that can’t be it,” another neighbor added, unhelpfully.
Rebecca Lynn, a PhD student at Northwestern University, explained that crying often serves a biochemical purpose and suggested that the baby may need to release stress hormones or toxins from its body.
Lynn also posited another theory. “The baby could just be a loud little shit desperate to annoy the hell out of everyone around it,” she said.