The Grift-O-Maniacs (what I’m now calling my fan club) love asking Jake the questions they wouldn’t dare utter in public. I get so much mail from the base that I’m not sure I’ll ever have time to come up with some original content.
Oh well. I got a question from a Maniac recently that was too good not to answer. I was asked, “Jake, in the future, what will sex be like?”
Well, dear Maniac, the answer may be even better than you can imagine. I know this because when I reach a certain level of orgasm (level 6 of 8 on the Grifter Scale), I’m able to see more than 300 years into the future. At level 7 I can actually transport myself to the future for small amounts of time.
If we are to believe Kurzweil, the singularity is quickly approaching. This will usher in an era where all things are possible, including super kinky, everything-goes, sweaty-ass coitus. Want to make love to fifteen robots with both boy and girl parts? The world is your oyster. Want a holographic George Washington to tie you up and spank you silly? Go nuts. Trying to do interspecies butt stuff? Rock out.
The End of Oppression
Tired of your government telling you where to put your body parts? Sick of being told who you should make love to? In the future, there will be no laws and no social mores regarding the exchange of bodily fluids.
Exciting New Holes
Alien races’ sexual organs will develop differently from ours. Some species will have bigger holes, and some smaller, while others will have new places in which to put your dong altogether. There will be new stuff to play with and things I can’t even get you to wrap your current mind around. Needless to say, we’re going to have our hands full.
Finding your new favorite bit to bang around will be a lifelong adventure. Some people will still struggle with this and feel uncomfortable. Those people will be left behind when we head for a new plane of civilization. Forget about them. Focus on the new holes.
And that, my sexed up readers, is what to expect in the future. We may not personally make it that far, but at least you can now imagine what the sex life of your children, or children’s children, will be like.