Man Looking for Columbus Day Sales Winds Up in East Indies

Columbus Day East Indies

SINGAPORE – Saying he was “just trying to get a jump on Columbus Day deals,” Flint, Michigan resident Martin Cranley unexpectedly found himself wandering the labyrinthine streets of Singapore by 12:17 p.m., eastern standard time.

“I really don’t know how it happened,” Cranley said, visibly shaken. “I hit up Best Buy and a couple department stores but then before I knew it I was avoiding a stream of traffic and getting shouted at in Mandarin.”

“I just wanted a new TV, you know?”

How exactly the man traveled over 9,000 miles in less than an hour and a half is unknown. Scientists have theorized Cranley potentially stepped through a wormhole, but believe the more likely scenario is he was simply blown away by a particularly good Columbus Day sale price.

“Yeah, that could make sense,” Cranley said. “They were just giving away those dresser drawers.”

Though offered transportation home, Cranley was at press time busy sorting through the wares of local street merchants and “really cleaning up.”



Robot Butt News Corp.

Author: Robot Butt News Corp.

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