Do You Have What It Takes to Be Recruited By ISIS?

Islamic State

“We’re the No. 1 destination for skilled professionals in need of work!”

Islamic State is in a bit of a pickle right now.

You see, the honeymoon period is ending between the caliphate and much of its population, especially among the wide variety of skilled professionals. For one reason or another (though I’d venture to guess it’s the deplorable living conditions or the constant threat of an execution), people in vital professions are leaving ISIS in droves.

But you know what that means – a plethora of juicy job openings!

That’s right, ISIS is desperately seeking everything from doctors and teachers to oil-field managers, chefs, fitness instructors and more. Getting ahead in the Western world can be a real pain, but within Islamic State, you’d have instant job security, providing you never make any plans to flee.

Are you looking to start your own private practice with a built-in, guaranteed number of patients? Take it on over to Mosul! Has it been hard to get your CrossFit gym off the ground in the United States? ISIS sure could use you over in Iraq and Syria. And what chef out there wouldn’t want to have complete control over opening up his/her own franchise restaurants in a brand-new location begging for them?

You see, the most skilled and educated workers are fleeing Islamic State for Europe. But those people are heathens who want to raise their children in a disgusting pit full of “atheists, philanderers and drug addicts.” And just think about that skyrocketing competition for work. Woof. If you’ve already been desperate to jump-start your career or are struggling to stretch your legs with your own small business, there is a place begging for your services.

But do you have what it takes to be recruited by ISIS? And what does it mean if the most brutal extremist group in the world won’t accept you? Are you in the wrong field? Do you need to go back to school to enhance your skill set? Even if Islamic State turns you away, you’ll be left with some valuable feedback.

There’s only one way to get that, though. Get in touch with ISIS today!



Steve DiMatteo

Author: Steve DiMatteo

Steve is an editor for Robot Butt. You can follow him on Twitter @steve_dimatteo.

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