One Direction Thinks You’re Tremendously Obese

One Direction

One Direction has a new white-bread song out called “Drag Me Down” and it’s the group’s attempt at an edgier tone, which, apparently, also includes some very harsh lyrics.

Gone are the days of teeny-bopper boy band love lyrics; One Direction is now embracing the idea that hurling insults at a woman is the true way to her heart.

You can see it in the way they flat-out insult the girl in “Drag Me Down.” Look at this verse (repeated twice in the song so she really gets the message):

I’ve got fire for a heart, I’m not scared of the dark
You’ve never seen it look so easy
I got a river for a soul, and baby you’re a boat
Baby, you’re my only reason

What woman would ever want to be compared to the size of a boat? Boats are really freaking heavy! A small fishing boat alone can weigh well over 1,000 pounds, and when you add in gear and fuel, even the smallest boats are starting to top out around 2,000 pounds. One Direction took one look at you and decided that you’ve got to weigh nearly a ton.

Also, who gives a shit that a grown man isn’t afraid of the dark? No one should be puffing out their chest about that.

The guys of One Direction think very little of you and now they really want you to know it. They just don’t care what you think, and they’re going to say whatever they want because they know you can’t get enough.

So if you’re out there fantasizing about marrying Harry Styles and embarking on a six-month globetrotting honeymoon with him, just know that this is how he really feels about you.

Steve DiMatteo

Author: Steve DiMatteo

Steve is an editor for Robot Butt. You can follow him on Twitter @steve_dimatteo.

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