Hero Gets Out of Bed

Hero Gets Out of Bed

CLEVELAND – Local man James McCrae is being lauded for just getting out of bed and attaining some semblance of a normal life in this chaotic shuffle we call existence.

“It defies logic,” says the 35-year-old and anyone who has ever thought about his or her own place on this earth. “Why would a human being continue living, let alone go to work or take care of themselves? Wars everywhere. Death. Destruction. The earth is going to burn up in the sun eventually. Donald Trump is ahead in the polls. How can anything have meaning?”

While sentient life has had its grasp upon this planet for the last 50,000 or so years, only recently has humanity realized what a chore it can be. That is why area residents have decided to hail McCrae, as he makes it look so easy.

“Am I brave? I don’t think I’m any more brave than the next person,” McCrae said. “I just put my shoes on, brush my teeth, go to work, watch my shows and get eight hours of sleep a day. It’s pointless, but it just seems like offing myself would be letting God, some kind of jokester demon, universal chaos or whatever win.”

“I’m proud of him every time he opens the garage door before he turns the car on,” Deborah McCrae, James’ wife, said. “Lord knows I’ve thought about hurling myself off of this mortal coil on several occasions. James gives me the strength and resolve to stay alive, even if it is all absolutely meaningless. What keeps me going? I really don’t know. Kids, I guess?”

 

 




Robot Butt News Corp.

Author: Robot Butt News Corp.

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