PITTSBURGH – A shocking new study released by the University of Pittsburgh on Tuesday claims that up to 75% of the Tyrannosaurus rex diet was composed of time-traveling scientists, tourists and lost space crews.
This revolutionary finding is expected to completely upend current theories about the evolution of the cretaceous theropod.
“For many years we’ve seen the T-Rex as an apex predator that evolved to hunt other dinosaurs,” said Dr. Julie Murphy, a researcher on the project. “But the number of New Balance sneakers and fanny packs we’ve found in the stomachs of specimen subjects has made it overwhelmingly clear that this dinosaur evolved to fit an existing niche in its ecosystem, in this case, to thin out the herd of time-traveling dweebs.”
According to the study, before the T-Rex evolved into the human-hunting form we’re familiar with today, time travelers ran rampant throughout the primordial Earth, snapping photos, collecting samples and destroying ecosystems with reckless abandon.
“It’s amazing to think that just a scant 68 million years ago, humans came dangerously close to destroying the Earth,” Murphy said. “Thankfully, nature found a way to fight back.”