WASHINGTON – Tragedy struck today as laugh riots around the world grew out of control in response to International Joke Day.
Some reports claim the trouble started as early as 2 a.m. GMT in London, as quiet chuckles slowly built to violent fits of laughter, while other sources claim the issue began in Boston-area comedy clubs and moved west. All told, the laugh riots have left an estimated 370 dead and more than 500 injured.
One Chicago comic, who wished to remain anonymous, reportedly witnessed one of the laugh riots as it began. “Some cut-up was on stage doing his normal routine,” he said. “But then he starts throwing out sidesplitters and gutbusters – just slaying the audience – and it spiraled out of control from there.”
As news of the riots has spread, many relatives of those affected have found themselves crying tears of laughter in response. But before the real grieving can begin, officials will first have to quell the riots. Violence has continued well into the afternoon and victims continue to mount.
At press time, bystanders witnessed one Philadelphia resident, being savagely beaten by a party clown with a tire iron, yelling, “Stop it! You’re killing me!”