Attention Single Losers: Japanese Women are Fawning Over an Attractive Gorilla

Shabani

Look at how much better Shabani is than you. You could never compete with this.

Do you have constant fears that you’ll never be able to find someone? That you’re just destined to be alone forever because, when you think about it, how could anyone really fall in love with someone like you? Afraid that you’ll never have anything to offer?

Well listen up, all of you hopeless single men out there. I’m here to tell you that your intuition was right – you’re probably going to die alone!

When women would rather flock to the sight of a handsome gorilla, that should serve as some pretty hard evidence. At the Higashiyama Zoo and Botanical Gardens in Nagoya, Japan, an 18-year-old silverback gorilla named Shabani is making all of the women swoon with his ripped muscles and brooding looks. Some even say that when you’re taking pictures of him, Shabani will pose like a model. He is the ultimate bad boy, and you’re just some Burger King-eating schlub.

Think about this for a second. There are women out there who would rather spend their time fawning over a gorilla in captivity than waste their efforts on human counterparts. As a man, you provide less value to these women than an objectively good-looking gorilla.

Shabani is very sexy. Sexier than you, for sure. He’s ripped as hell and he knows how to flirt and play the field, and yet, he’s still praised for being a good dad. You are a nobody and that’s never going to change as long as Shabani is around to have a say about it.

 

 




Steve DiMatteo

Author: Steve DiMatteo

Steve is an editor for Robot Butt. You can follow him on Twitter @steve_dimatteo.

Share This Post On