HEAVEN – James Wong passed away three years ago after an unfortunate jet ski accident, and though he was granted passage into God’s eternal kingdom upon his death, the former North Carolina resident can’t help but already feel kind of bored with it all.
Wong, who was a 34-year-old investment banking analyst when he died, initially found the realm of heaven to be everything he imagined: it gave him the ability to travel through space and time, access to every video game that has ever been or ever will be created, a perfectly sculpted body and unlimited pizza.
Of course, it was also a sexual paradise.
“But there are only so many times you can be pleasured by Cleopatra or Queen Elizabeth I before it starts to feel a little stale,” Wong said. “You can get tired of everything around here pretty quick.”
As Wong traipses through heaven, having sex with angels of unimaginable beauty and dunking basketballs with ease over Wilt Chamberlain, he knows he has to do something to make a change. He’ll be spending eternity here, after all.
Currently, there is an opening in Heaven’s accounting department, as there is a need for someone to manage the budget for an assortment of heavenly marketing campaigns. Enticed by the refreshingly long hours and disciplined structure, Wong is thinking of throwing his hat in the ring.
“I don’t really need to play ping pong with Edgar Allan Poe anymore,” Wong said. “Besides, this job really offers a lot of room for growth. I would be lucky to get in this early.”