It’s a real shame that dinosaurs (likely) no longer exist, because it sure would be a lot of fun to watch certain people get ripped to shreds by a Tyrannosaurus Rex or slowly eaten away by a compsognathus pack. There are just so many people in the world who deserve to watch their bowels spill from the giant gash in their stomach, courtesy of a dinosaur that has selected them for its next meal. Only then will they understand the tremendously negative effect they’ve had on the world.
We can at least dream, right? Anyway, there are millions of people who deserved to be disemboweled by a dinosaur, but here are five who deserve it the most today:
1. The senior citizen at the supermarket who pays with a check
2. That guy we know who wants to abolish the designated hitter
3. The next person to write a think piece praising the current state of the “dad bod”
4. The third-grade teacher out there who makes learning multiplication a terrifying experience (we certainly have no experience in this)
5. The person – whoever he/she might be – who made Iggy Azalea happen