PEORIA, Ariz. – A manner-less specter unexpectedly startled his unwilling roommate last Tuesday, just as the man was returning home from a long day at the office.
“I’m just a guy trying to make ends meet,” said Greg Jensen, the owner the haunted home. “The last thing I need is some spirit in my house, popping up to give me a fright when I come home from work!”
When asked how long this apparition has taken covenant between the four walls of Jensen’s domicile, he was unsure. “Hell, that phantasm could live here indefinitely, if it could show some class and not be so rude. Who ever heard of a haunt being that tactless?”
Jensen says that ethereal beings may have visited him before. “Who am I to tell this visitor from the other side where, when and how to conduct his business? There could be hundreds of them in the house, but this is the only one with the nerve to go ahead and put me in to a panic as soon as I walk through the door!”
All attempts to contact the banshee for comment, through the use of a Ouija board, a psychic and banging on the ceiling with a broomstick while yelling, were unreturned, reaffirming the daemon’s clear-cut rudeness. The only contact this incorporeal appearance made was the undeniable sound of very loud chewing with one’s mouth open, which could be heard throughout the Jensen home.