With hundreds of people scaling Mount Everest every single year, the campsites around the mountain have slowly become poop-infested nightmares. Apparently, all of the climbers ascending the mountain are too preoccupied with the thought of dying to scoop up their poop and haul it with them to the top.
But all of that long-festering poop and urine has become a real problem for Nepal, as it’s becoming an environmental hazard, threatening to spread disease all over the place. But hey, if there’s one thing humanity knows how to do well, it’s ruining beautiful things. And with all of our disgusting poop and garbage on Mount Everest creating a serious environmental issue, we can finally cross that beast off the list of things on Earth that need to be knocked down a peg.
Things aren’t all bad for Mount Everest, though. Now is the perfect time for a rebranding, which means you might soon be aiming to reach the summit of, say, Mount Dingleberry or “Big Dookie.” It’s all about selling more merch, and a new name would be a “refreshing and revitalizing evolution for the 21st century,” or some type of similar copy created by a PR firm.
But this is all beside the point. Now that we’re aware of the rampant defecation, someone needs to find the answer to this vital question: How many blumpkins have taken place on Mount Everest? And what has been the highest altitude blumpkin? Is it the summit? I bet it’s the summit.