Silicon Valley Wants You To Date It

I’ve talked before about Silicon Valley’s obsession with disruption, and how when it can’t find real issues to innovate solutions to, it tends to try and improve simple services and tasks by adding complicated T-Rex math.

Well, the tech industry is at it again, this time upending the dating industry. You might think I’m talking about some new dating app, maybe one that matches you based on the number of Forever Alone jokes you make in a day. But dating apps are so two minutes ago. No, now Silicon Valley is just going to be your girlfriend or boyfriend for you.

"How you doin'?"

“How you doin’?”

That’s right, with the Invisible Girlfriend app you can trick your friends and family into thinking you are desirable and stable enough to be in a relationship! Or maybe you want to make the true object of your affection jealous. After all, there is no better way to start a relationship than with deceit and trickery, right?

But in addition to allowing us to reenact Her, the FAQ helpfully points out some of the intended, practical uses for this type of façade. For example, they use the hypothetical of someone attracted to the same sex but afraid of coming out to disapproving parents. That makes the whole thing even more sad than if it were only for people who want to play make believe, because holy shit we live in a society where lying about something so huge could actually be the better option.

"Well, at least he likes vagina"

“Well, at least he likes vagina”

If Invisible Girlfriend gets it’s way, it may also cross into the physical realm. The development team is looking to add things like gifts and flower deliveries in the future, because – Why not try and literally delude yourself?

It’s going to be pretty easy to do, since the text messages won’t be written by bots. Real, honest to goodness people will get paid to virtually flirt with you.

But instead of poking fun at those who would utilize such a service maybe we should instead critique the society that constantly pressures us to find “The One.” Maybe we should instead push back against the notion that being single is some kind of deficiency.

But until that change in society comes, we’ll just have to make due with what is clearly the lamest prostitution ring ever.


Tim Gaydos

Author: Tim Gaydos

Tim is a contributor for Robot Butt and is not hosting a parasitic xenomorph inside him, so just don't worry about it, ok? You can disagree with his opinions on Twitter @timthinksthings.

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