The Top 10 Stories of 2014, According to Your Mom


10. Running into Stephanie at the grocery store and did you know she’s single now? I put in a good word for you after I told her how Heather broke your heart.

9. The man who helped her pick out paint at Ace Hardware who it turns out used to go to the same high school as the neighbor’s kids but graduated a few years earlier and he was just so helpful and nice and the paint turned out really well but it took forever and you wouldn’t believe what your father did with the painter’s tape and the drop cloth but it’s just so nice to talk to you and how have you been and thanks so much for calling.

8. Mrs. Tomlinson’s son being kicked out of college.

7. The new kitchen cabinets.

6. Learning how to comment on your Facebook photos.

5. Your father went up two pant sizes (but don’t tell him I told you).

4. Just how terrible it was that Scott Rogen’s and the nice man from the Oscars’ movie The Interviews was canceled.

3. Why don’t you ever let me come over to your apartment?

2. The exceptionally rude service at that Italian restaurant that I now used to like.

1. When you called three Sundays in a row.


The Robot Butt Staff

Author: The Robot Butt Staff

We're the Robot Butt staff, hired right after the experiment of typewriting monkeys went horribly wrong.

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