25 Tips for Surviving Finals Week

College Student Studying

It’s finals time in Collegeland, and that means there are some seriously stressed-out students out there desperate for tips on getting through the week in one piece. Luckily, we’re here to help! Here are 25 ways that you can survive Finals Week and make it through to your holiday break:

  • Do absolutely no studying; trust your intuition.
  • Refuse to answer any true/false questions on the basis that absolute truth is unknowable. You’re sure to be rewarded for your insights!
  • Stroll into your exam half an hour late. Your relaxed attitude is sure to impress your teacher!
  • Remember, instructors are as done with this semester as you are. Turn in your final with only your name and “Come on, man” written on it. There’s a good chance you’ll still get a B-.
  • Fake your own death to avoid taking your finals (but be prepared to make it last for at least five years).
  • The answer to #26 is C.
  • Instructors only read the first 500, last 500 and 250 words randomly in the middle of the paper. Roll those dice.
  • Find a fellow stressed-out student in the library and rip up all of his/her notes and flee, taking care of your cardio for the day. It’s important to get your exercise this week.
  • Remain sweet as sugar towards your instructor until the very end. He or she won’t read that scathing evaluation you just submitted until well after grades are reported. Justice will be served.
  • Keep popping Adderall to help you study. The longer you stay awake, the more clear things will become.
  • Ask all of your friends what finals they have on Tuesday and regardless of their answer say “Ooh, that sucks. I have Bowling.”
  • Murder a loved one in cold blood (these are finals we’re talking about here!) and miss the exam to attend the funeral. Bonus: you might just get to miss the next semester, too.
  • Forgot to finish that final paper? Pull a Gone Girl.
  • Preface all answers with “According to my religious beliefs…” That way, if you get a bad grade, you can claim religious persecution.
  • A little-known trick in college is that if you don’t show up for finals, professors are forced to give you a passing grade.
  • Write “Love You” on your eyelids like that student in the firstĀ Indiana Jones movie.
  • Start an indie movie-esque, mature relationship with your professor.
  • Call in a stink bomb threat.
  • We won’t give it away, but a well-timed fart can solve a lot of problems (In reference to the previous tip, you can yell during the exam that there is a stink bomb in the building and proceed to emit your flatulence).
  • Chief down a pack of Marlboros before and after your exam. The smooth flavor will calm your nerves and set you straight.
  • Staple all of your notes to the back/shoulders of someone in your class, then sit behind them.
  • Your roommate has been too stressed about tests. Loosen him up with a prank! While he’s asleep, install a lock on the outside of his door and keep him shut in for a few days.
  • Watch movies all night with your roommate instead of studying. Then, while using your iPhone as a calculator, just look up all the answers on Wikipedia.
  • A sexual harassment threat goes a loooooong way.
  • If you didn’t study and you’re struggling on the final, just insult the instructor as much as you can through your writing. At the end, add something to the effect of “Do something about it, lame-o.” Meet them outside and have it out. If you win, you’ll get an “A.”

 




The Robot Butt Staff

Author: The Robot Butt Staff

We're the Robot Butt staff, hired right after the experiment of typewriting monkeys went horribly wrong.

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