UPDATE (11/13): McDonald’s has once again responded to us, but their denials are beginning to seem desperate and, quite frankly, pretty empty.
UPDATE (11/12): McDonald’s has responded with a statement, but with the lack of a true denial, we can’t say we’re convinced.
Amid increased pressure from consumer groups and people with any sort of common sense, McDonald’s is attempting to assure customers that the fast food chain’s popular McRib sandwich is, in fact, edible. The company even released a video where some guy shows a few paid-by-the-company stooges – including respected Mythbuster and now soul-seller Grant Imahara – to walk around a facility of some kind that claims to make the McRib from “pork.”
That’s all well and good, but McDonald’s hasn’t earned the trust of our investigative team. The company can say whatever it wants because the most haunting thing in all of this is what the company actually hasn’t said.
Never once has McDonald’s ever flat-out stated that the McRib sandwich is not made of human meat.
“The McRib is a fan favorite at McDonald’s,” said Deborah Wahl, Senior Vice President and Chief Marketing Officer of McDonald’s USA. “You saw the video. I’m not legally obligated to tell you anything else.”
The random factory worker in the video – “Kevin Nanke” (likely an actor) who plays the “Vice President” of “Lopez Foods” – can tell you all day about what supposedly goes into the sandwich – “pork,” preservatives, a bunch of stuff we can’t pronounce. But what was stopping him from squashing any notion that the McRib is nothing more than a tiny slab of ground-up human remains? Wouldn’t it have been in the best interest of McDonald’s to finally put that question to rest? To stop those digging around for the truth?
“The McRib is a delicious treat that our fans love with great passion,” Wahl said. “Who are we to stand in the way of that?”
When approached about his role in the video, “Kevin” refused to comment. Though he was suspiciously spotted handing out his headshots at a Los Angeles-area coffee shop when we found him.
While we await the confirmation that the McRib is not an unholy mixture of the worst parts of the human body, Wahl was able to confirm that McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets did not actually contain any traces of chicken. Those are simply nothing more than spray-painted chunks of delicious, discarded and very toxic rubber.