In which Tim spends the month watching horror movies on Netflix and recaps them for your pleasure.
Brad Pitt’s Fantastic Hair is driving around with his family when a zombie breakout caused by
Ebola rabies overruns New Jersey. It turns out zombies are just the best at head-butting windshields. Fortunately, Brad Pitt’s Hair used to do investigations for the UN, so Hair and his family are safe in exchange for Hair to go globetrotting, like a long-distance Race For The Cure. He is also the worst investigator, as he cannot help but make noise despite the one thing they know about these zombies is that they are just all about it.
Forget to turn your phone off and let it ring during a crucial moment? Check. Kick cans of pop around on the tile floor? Check and check. Yell “WHERE ALL THE ZOMBIES AT?” in an empty hallway? Sadly no, but it would have been pretty funny.
Eventually Hair gets most everyone he meets killed until he reaches a WHO facility, manned by Doctor Who version 12. It is there that they formulate a plan to defeat the zombies by giving everyone terminal diseases, because being sick makes you invisible to zombies. This is the most logical thing to happen in the whole movie. Now able to be camouflaged, humanity begins to fight back. Hair helpfully informs us that “this is not the end,” and invites us to watch the Extended Unrated version, also on Netflix.