Don’t Trust Anyone Who Listens to Country Music Outside of Summer

Brad Paisley's H2O II: Wetter & Wilder Tour

Don’t even think about listening to this in December.

For most of my life, I considered modern country music to be little more than formulaic trash.

But then I grew up and became a guy that just wanted to drive with my windows down and some tunes to accompany the bright, blue sky and the wind whipping through my car. And shoot, if I was on somebody’s lawn drinking a beer on a Saturday morning in June while in college, I sure felt like the world’s problems couldn’t touch me when…whoever it was came on. To that end, I really started to appreciate the genre.

In this vacuum, country music can exist and thrive. Like Superman, it gains its power from our yellow sun, becoming an indestructible force of summer. And as we are about to enter the summer of 2014, it means that country music will be out in full force and damn it, it’s going to be great.

But, there are people out there who choose to enjoy country music in the winter. As we all know, winter is a long, grueling journey of endless despair with an ever-tightening grip on our minds. Country music simply has no place in our lives if it can’t be paired with a few beers in the middle of a field just like in the music videos. It simply doesn’t belong in the winter.

There will be the excuse that it reminds one of better, warmer days. But the real fact is that any other time of the year, country music is exposed as the impostor it is. How we could have let it go this long thinking it was good enough music to last all year, rather than remaining the byproduct of summer that it is, is our own collective fault, but it’s important to stop it before it gets out of hand. Plus, listening to it during the long, dark days of winter, repeating the same beer-babes-buds lyrics over and over – it’s a surefire way to awaken any serial killer mentality you may have suppressed.

So really, anyone who listens to country music during the winter is obviously mentally unhinged. These people should be avoided at all costs and, if necessary, you should seek help for them without having to get too close. They are like the Joker blowing up a hospital just to be able to sit back and enjoy the carnage.

These are the people who want to watch the world burn.



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Steve DiMatteo

Author: Steve DiMatteo

Steve is an editor for Robot Butt. You can follow him on Twitter @steve_dimatteo.

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