What Would Make You Sell Your Soul to the Devil?

Sell Your Soul to the Devil

At Robot Butt, we have a constant, unrelenting thirst for knowledge. Therefore, from time to time, we like to hold roundtable discussions that explore the depths of topics that have significant meaning to our lives and the world around us. Please, join us for this new roundtable as we discuss one of the oldest questions humanity has struggled with: What would make you sell your soul to the devil?

Steve: Sure, you could sell your soul to save your family or something like that, perhaps if they were trapped in the underworld, but the odds of that happening are fairly slim and I’d rather sell my soul for something cool, like unlimited pizza.

Patrick: Steve, I am a realist. I would sell my soul for a bus transfer pass. How the hell is someone going to know if I have actually turned over my soul to them?

Brian: First of all, yes, unlimited pizza would make me sell my soul to the devil.

Second, what kind of contract are we talking? Are there any stipulations? I would love to both sell my soul to the devil for a handsome reward and then catch him in a contract loophole.

Patrick: The moment you try and sell your soul, some patent troll is going to step in and take you to court. 

Steve: This is the devil we’re talking about here, I imagine he has some of the best lawyers money – or the fear of eternal damnation – can buy. That being said, I think this is a lock that you’ll be in hell for eternity if you make the choice. The question is, let’s say you do sell it for pizza – do you think you’d still get to have it in hell?

Patrick: I am pretty sure hell doesn’t have pizza. However, those millennials in DC may be able to prove me wrong. They seem to really have their finger on the pulse of the known universe. 

Brian: As a “millennial in DC” it is my ruling that hell has pizza, but the pizza is realllllly stale.

Steve: I imagine hell has Little Caesar’s, which you’re pretty down with at first, until about a week in when you realize that Little Caesar’s is the ONLY PIZZA YOU’LL EVER HAVE.

Patrick: Brian, you are not a millennial in DC. To my knowledge you have never tried to blow a project manager at a nonprofit. Little Caesar’s is gold.

Brian: I think I would sell my soul to the devil to forever have that “just put Gold Bond on my balls and it is all tingly” sensation.

Patrick: Gold Bond on your balls and Sriracha on  your tongue. 

Steve: How often have you considered selling your soul for a superpower? And don’t you find that the desire increases tenfold as you get older?

Brian: I would be happy with just having a bottomless Sriracha bottle. Is that a superpower?

Steve: It’s safe to say you could get any woman you want with that, so yeah I think I could consider that a superpower.

Patrick: I would sell my soul to have everyday be opening day. 

Bronson: The soul is a sacred thing, and this whole conversation is blasphemy.

Brian: I was going to ask if there’s an opposite of superpower and just realized that would be a disability. 

Bronson: Are we considering the possibility of leasing the soul, or possibly a long-term rental? Could you do a ten-year stint in hell for a couple of really good za’s?

Steve: This Man Sold His Soul for a Disability. You’ll NEVER Believe What Happened Next – a future Upworthy “article”

Patrick: Trade your soul for a wheelchair and breathing tube.

Brian: Bronson, are you talking about mortgaging your soul? If so, I like it.

Bronson: I’d definitely consider renting my soul out for a year in hell for like, $70,000. Basically, it’s like getting paid a pretty decent salary for spending a year in hell. I mean, I’ve worked some pretty rough jobs for less money. How bad could hell really be?

Patrick: Bronson, name me one “rough” job you’ve worked? Playing Roller Coaster Tycoon at an open house?

Bronson: Being friends with you has been pretty tough, and my only payment so far has been a bunch of mean jokes from you.

My God….am I already in hell? Do I have to put up with Pat for all eternity?

Steve: You have to factor in what kind of punishment would be awaiting you for that year in hell. Does a lifetime of pizza equate one year of getting your anus carved out from a hot iron rod?

Brian: Some people are into that, Steve. Different strokes.

Bronson: One man’s heaven is another man’s hell.

Steve: Thank you, Brian – I have so much to learn about tolerance.

Bronson: This really boils down to an economics question. What is the going rate of a year in hell?

I think we have to assume hell is more or less a standard “bad time” for everyone, and then you can go from there.

 




Steve DiMatteo

Author: Steve DiMatteo

Steve is an editor for Robot Butt. You can follow him on Twitter @steve_dimatteo.

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33 Comments

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  24. Welcome to great illuminati order(UNITED STATE) of POWER PROTECTION, INFLUENCE,WEALTH, STARDOM,If you are interested in joining the brotherhood and you want your dreams to come through, then you have the chance to do that, join the illuminati today to get $25000 every 3 days and $1000000 monthly membership blessing for doing what you love to do best.Contact illuminatraoccutic@gmail.com, or call on,+2347059014517 today to change your life for the better,We holds the world.

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  27. Hello everyone reading this comment today, the great Illuminati BROTHERHOOD has give everyone the chance and opportunity to join the great ILLUMINATI kingdom, the lord father of Illuminati has create the easy way to join the Illuminati brotherhood in the world. Are you a business man or an artist,Politicians and you want to become big, Powerful and famous in the world, join us to become one of our official member today. you shall be given an ideal chance to visit the lord father and his representative after registrations is completed by you, what you need to do to become a full member of the great Illuminati is just for you to get the membership form and get some items for sacrifice but human life is not needed, Illuminati brotherhood brings along wealth and famous in life, you have a full access to eradicate poverty, hardness, frustration and fear away from your life now. So contact agent Derison Smith today at these email address:Smithderison@gmail.com or you can also add him up in your Facebook page which is deboral wyatt, or call him on his private phone number which +2348132571730.Join us today and realize your dreams come through.

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  31. Hello viewer am Kelvin Novek, Am here to share my testimony on how i finally join the Illuminati hood and became rich, i tried all my possible best to become a member of the brotherhood but i was scam several times, before i finally come across a testimony on net so i contacted the agent, i was so afraid that he will ask me for lot of money before i can join the brotherhood but to my greatest surprise he only ask me to obtain the membership form which i did and today am so happy to say to the world that i am among the richest in my country today by having the sum of $360 millions dollars in my personal account as a new member in Africa and am also known all over the world with the business given to me by the Illuminati and i also have power to do that which i want…… i know so many people may be on my lane also looking for help here contact Lord Richard for help his mail address : iluminatirichesthome@gmail.com or you can get in touch with him directly with his phone number:+2348112163945.

  32. I am Mr Joel from Manchester United Kingdom, I am using this means to reach out to every one out there that among all the Testimony on net most of them are bunch of lies and scams. I tried getting my Ex back Madison Lucy, some kind of freaks out here they asked for Items fee i paid and continue to pay but nothing happened.One Saturday morning I was less busy from work I went on line till i got to read about a Testimony on net like we all do here and saw This great Dr. Okpebho who has helped so many people and i also saw his qualities and also more Testimonies about him, Today Dr Okpebho has helped me gotten back my Ex Madison Lucy and also cure me from herbes simplex virus and he also tells me he can do so many things like Cure of Hepatitis A,B,C, HIV/AIDS, Spell of along time getting your ex back just like how he did mine, cancer cure, your Ex back Spell, Money Spell,Lottery Spell,Good luck Spell e.t.c I can never stop Testifying of this great man Dr Okpebho his email is:Drokpebhospelltemple@gmail.com because I never trusted any one on net but with him there is an end to all my problems now I am living Happily with my Ex who just gave me a male Child Berry” Dr Okpebho you are the Best among the rest, viewers out there. contact Dr Okpebho or call him: +2348100609843. today and that will be the end of your problem.If possible I would have bring him down to United Kingdom.All thanks to you Sir.

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