Smoker, Joker Denies Allegations of Midnight Toking
Apr30

Smoker, Joker Denies Allegations of Midnight Toking

GAITHERSBURG, Md. – A local smoker and joker on Wednesday issued a blanket denial of being a midnight toker. Jeremy Peterson, the smoker and joker in question said the allegations made by a number of friends and coworkers are completely untrue, and in his opinion “pretty unfair.” “That Steve Miller song has really given a lot of smokers and jokers a bad name, and I think it’s time someone stood up and...

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Banana Comes of Age in Brown Paper Bag
Apr29

Banana Comes of Age in Brown Paper Bag

In a ritual as old as time, a banana recently went through a sacred coming of age tradition in which it spent two days and three nights in a brown paper bag. Like a young Siddhartha in the famous Herman Hesse book of the same name, this noble young banana could only grow into its prime by walking its own path, and for awhile at least, going off on its own. Away from the disruptive and jocular manners of its peers and hidden away from...

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China is Banning ‘The Big Bang Theory’ in Order to Create a Utopian Society
Apr29

China is Banning ‘The Big Bang Theory’ in Order to Create a Utopian Society

Some might see this as China at its worst, stifling freedom by banning its citizens from seeing certain American television shows. Except when one of those shows is The Big Bang Theory. Clearly, the Chinese government sees what a black hole of comedy this seemingly endless sitcom is, and it finally decided to take action. Sohu.com, which had the exclusive online broadcast rights to The Big Bang Theory in China, was given instructions...

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Why Has 2014 Been Such an Unbearably Cold Year?
Apr28

Why Has 2014 Been Such an Unbearably Cold Year?

It has already been a painfully cold year for most of us, even as we head into May. And it’s all due to global warming. Or maybe this is the evidence that global warming doesn’t even exist and Al Gore could be – huh?! – wrong. It all depends on who you ask, which means the only thing we know is that no one really knows anything. But we consulted with some climate scientists and looked at the data from decades...

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Missing Person Definitely Not Within 10 Feet of Missing Person Poster
Apr28

Missing Person Definitely Not Within 10 Feet of Missing Person Poster

MIAMI – For the last two weeks, Barry University student Wayne Wenger has been missing, and all anyone can say for sure is that he’s nowhere near the missing person poster on the corner of 34th Street and 11th Avenue. When asked about the ongoing search, neighborhood resident, Jennifer Cowart said, “I looked at the poster, then looked around where I was standing. I didn’t see this Wayne guy nearby so I just...

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